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Mark: Office Max or Staples?
Dan: Dollar Store
Mark: Should work spouses be required to share cubicles?
Dan: Absolutely. In fact, I think they should also be required to share the computer...and that includes the mouse. They do, however, have the option to alternate who right-clicks each day...
…well, unless they have a Mac. Then their marriage is just effed.
Mark: Which is the more meaningful part of Mike Nesmith's life...his career in TV, film, and music as a member of The Monkees or his early days filling bottles with Mistake Out (later renamed Liquid Paper) in his mother's kitchen-turned-laboratory?
Dan: I guess the Monkees by default, since he never bothered to use his invention to correct the spelling of the word, "Monkee."
Mark: How many rubber bands does it take to make a regulation-sized rubber band ball?
Dan: 180. I’ll let you decide if my answer is based upon personal knowledge or several Google searches.
Mark: Any inappropriate photocopying stories to share?
Dan: Not without incriminating myself, no.
Mark: If you were to file yourself, what letter would you file yourself under and why?
Dan: "S" for Stabb. I am a firm proponent of the merits of alphabetical filing.
Mark: If Ronald Reagan had come into your cubicle and said, "Mr. Stabb, tear down this wall," would you?
Dan: Only if I felt it would bring peace between the east side and west side of my office building.
Mark: The term cubicle comes from the Latin "cubiculum" which means "bed chamber." Does this not promote sleeping on the job?
Dan: Sleeping and/or torture, yes.
Mark: Should a cube farm allow pets?
Dan: Only if it encourages the proliferation of overalls and slop troughs in the workplace.
Mark: A memorandum or memo is a document that helps the memory by recording events or observations on a topic, but what happens if you can't remember where you placed the memo?
Dan: I'd issue a memo to help me find the memo.
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Dan: What do you do about that unmarked food container that has been in the fridge for three weeks?
Mark: Throw it away. Container shmontainer. I believe that "nastiness" can travel through plastic and can and will infect my brand-new-innocent-bystander-appropriately-marked food.
Dan: Name the best movie about an office space.
Mark: Ummmm...Office Space? Was that a leading question?
(Note from Dan: Yes. Yes it was.)
Dan: Why do secretaries put a pencil in their hair?
Mark: Because they can. Unfortunately, I cannot.
Dan: Who is the best successor to take Steve Carell's place on "The Office?"
Mark: Charlotte Rae
Dan: What exactly is the purpose of a cubicle?
Mark: To wrangle the workers...to make sure each worker is present and accounted for in their holding area.
Dan: Is "f/u" really an appropriate abbreviation for "follow up?"
Mark: It is a correct abbreviation, but is misleading and therefore inappropriate.
Dan: Smiley faces in an office email.
Mark: Yay or nay? Nay. Nothing says "this is not serious" more than a smiley face.
Dan: LOLs in an office email. Yay or nay?
Mark: Only if the person typing the "LOL" is legitimately making sounds from his or her throat while breathing out in short bursts or gasps as a way of expressing amusement at the very moment the "LOL" is being typed. In which case, it actually should be typed "LLOL" to validate the fact that he or she is legitimately laughing out loud.
Dan: When's the last time you used a hole puncher?
Mark: On May 7, 2009. I had a few holes to punch.
Dan: In this day and age of emails and scanners, why would anyone still use a fax machine?
Mark: Just so they can say the word "fax." "I'm going to FAX you now." "Can you FAX me?"
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